Happy birthday, Alex!

When Alex turned five on this day one year ago, he was just getting used to a new institution, having recently been moved from the only home he'd known since he was a baby.

Today, Alex celebrated his sixth birthday with his forever family. The book that our seven-year-old daughter made for him says it all. Here is the cover:

The book is titled "The Boy Who Loved His Family"

And here is the last page:

And the last page says, "We love you!"

And here is how the birthday boy spent his big day:

Just after waking up...bed-head! "Good morning!" he says.

Eating homemade cinnamon raisin bread in the car.

Playing outdoors on a beautiful day with our good friend who has volunteered
to help care for Alex three hours a day, gratis. Once we get approved for a PCA,
she will be paid.

The big hit of the day: a nice new balloon! It went everywhere with him.

Folding hands to say grace before dinner (bread, cantaloupe, black bean soup).

Wearing the traditional Windley-Daoust birthday hat while preparing to blow out
the candles. Actually, he had no idea about blowing out candles, so someone else
had to do it for him.

Let him eat cake! With his hands!

Cake face. He actually quit eating before he was done with the cake...guess he filled up on that
good cantaloupe.

Asleep with his new stuffed animal at the end of a busy day. He loves that alligator!

Alex has made incredible strides in the three months he has been home with us.

He now uses English more often than he uses Russian, and he probably knows a couple hundred English words.

He has just recently learned the joy and art of giving and receiving hugs, and does so enthusiastically, and with a big smile on his face.

He asked to try to use the toilet today, probably inspired by the sight of his little brother potty training (and getting candy as a reward). He didn't actually go -- and actually he kind of fell off while trying to close the door -- but he got a piece of candy for his effort.

He knows how to say "please" and "thank you" and "I want."

He knows some of the words to his favorite songs on our Standing on the Rock CD.

He asks to "read" a book, and enjoys looking at the pictures.

He is up to wearing his foot braces almost all day, and is getting better and better at standing and walking (with support).

He has grown several inches, and gained several pounds.

And, he is learning to drive:

Here he quite literally turned to me and asked, "Can I have the keys?"

Did I mention that he has chutzpah? Keep going, Alex -- keep going!

Alex's orphanage

I am re-posting this from the Adopting Alex blog, since not everyone who follows this blog follows that one, and this is a pretty significant bit of information....

Well, we didn't get a travel date today...it could come any day now, really...but we did connect with another family who is adopting another child from Alex's country, a 15-year-old girl who we were considering adopting at one point (in addition to Alex). And they have a connection to a U.S.-based organization, Serving Special Orphans, that visits that institution about once a year. Here are some videos from the institution; one is from Serving Special Orphans, the second is from another organization's 2008 mission trip, and the third is from February 2011 (also Serving Special Orphans).

Here is a link to the third video, which I can't embed:
http://servingspecialorphans.blogspot.com/2011/02/orphans-in-znamenka-sing-their-hearts.html

The woman who runs this organization has also described a couple of her recent visits; you can find those descriptions here: February 2011 visit (scroll down to last paragraph); June 2011.

I think the videos and the descriptions capture the complicated picture in the orphanages over there. On the one hand, you will see smiling and happy children there -- and that's good. On the other hand, you will also see children living in inhumane conditions. Another take-away for me...as the author describes, this orphanage is vastly improved over where it was 10 years ago. The trend is in the right direction. International organizations and the families who adopt these special needs children are contributing to that trend.

Following "Francine"

Here's another blog we're following (we also follow this family on FB): My Camo Kids. This family adopted "Francine," one of the nine children we were praying about when we were discerning the adoption. Actually, the Dad just got shipped out to Afghanistan -- again, mere months after returning -- just a few weeks after returning home from Ukraine with their new daughter. (Francine is now "Vi", a nickname she is familar with from her home country.) I will post their blog in the sidebar, too.

What we're doing...and reading

The handful of you who follow this blog regularly may be wondering what gives...why no recent updates? Basically, I've been so incredibly busy with other things -- too busy. At the moment, I am part of a team of three people launching a massive marketing campaign on behalf of the kids' school. Okay, "massive" is a relative term -- but considering we're three people, it seems massive. In Minnesota, the only funding that charter schools receive is per-pupil state aid (regular public schools associated with a school district get to pass local levies). Over the past couple years, the school's enrollment has dropped -- not by a lot, but when each student brings $5,300 in state aid, that adds up quickly. (The reasons are various -- more competition, declining overall student population, plus other factors.) Plus, the state legislature, in its eternal wisdom, has decided to "borrow" (=raid) 25% of school funding for the past few budget cycles. School districts can borrow short-term loans to cover that cost, but charter schools don't have that ability.

That means that this year we've seen lots of cuts, including the loss of fourth grade band, our foreign language program, and half of our classroom assistants. (The latter cut was recently restored.) And teacher salaries, which were low to begin with, have remained frozen for years, which has meant high turnover.

The only factor that we control in this equation is enrollment, so our marketing committee's goal is to achieve full enrollment next year. That would bring in maybe $132,000 in additional funds. Unfortunately, we're starting from absolutely nothing. Parts of our website haven't even been touched since before 2003. Heck, most of our website wasn't even indexed by Google! And we had no brochures or literature to pass out to anyone inquiring about the school, and no publicity campaign (to the local media) whatsoever, no ads, nothing. So over the past few weeks I have been busy, with the help of a couple other people, creating print ads, brochures, internal flyers (to educate our families about the advantages of their school so they can spread the word to friends and neighbors), videos, a new web pages...there's more, but you get the idea.

It is NUTS. Frankly, I don't have time for this, but that's what I said all last year, and no one stepped forward to take it on, and the funding situation just got worse, so here we are. I've told people I'm basically going to be "gone" beginning February 1 to prepare for the adoption.

Speaking of which, we're kind of in a lull in adoption land. Most of the paperwork is off, although those fun-loving bureaucrats like to keep us on our toes by demanding entirely new documents every week or so.

One of the ways we keep our spirits up is to read the adoption blogs being kept by other families who have gone through the adoption process or are going through it now. It is also great preparation, in terms of learning what we might expect. If anyone else wants to follow these to get a bit of a window into our "vicarious" adoption journey, here's what we're reading. I will post these in the sidebar, too.

Bringing Winston Home
This blog is interesting mainly because the couple adopted this past summer from the same city that we're adopting from. In fact, we spent more than an hour talking on the phone with the mom a little while ago, just to figure out what to expect. The blog is no longer updated, but go back to July and you can get a bit of a sense of what it will be like when we go over there. Except that when we go, it won't be July. It will be cold!

Bringing AJ Home
This is the blog of the Putz family, who are adopting AJ -- better known to those who have followed our own adoption journey as "Anthony." They already have an Anthony at home, so they needed to give him a new name! We fund-raised and prayed and prayed for Anthony for many months, so it is heartwarming to read about them finally meeting him, and getting to know him. He has warmed up to his new parents very quickly! Lots of video of them playing with him in the orphanage visiting room. He is an amazing kid who far outshines his severe CP. This is a private blog, but if you want an invitation, e-mail us and we will see whether Leann would be willing to add you. (It is private mostly to avoid spammers.)

Asking with Faith
This is the blog of a remarkable 17-year-old young woman who is VERY passionate about helping kids in need all over the world. She was one of two tireless advocates for Alex, raising money and pleading an praying for an adoptive family. Her own family just adopted a nine-year-old from Bulgaria; scroll back in her blog to November or so to see her story. Joanna is currently preparing to travel to Uganda to work with orphans there -- but she is in need of funding. You can help out by purchasing some of the cool stuff she is selling to raise money (see this post).

Three More Jacobsons
Here's a family that is attempting to adopt three kids! Their process is even more complicated than ours, and there have been lots of ups and downs, but they bring an inspiring faith to the process. Right now they have a great video of the boys practicing for a play -- singing a song, complete with actions, in Russian. Very cute!

The Blessing of Verity
This is the blog by the family that adopted the nine-year-old girl that they've named Katie -- the one who looks like an infant. Two months out from the adoption, they continue to update about her remarkable progress...still fun to pop in on every once in a while.

We're also following more adoption stories on a private Facebook group for families adopting from Alex's home country -- which is just to say that whatever we go through on this journey, others have forged the path already, and are accompanying us, too. (Some of them maybe literally!)

Off to work on more marketing materials!

Adoption stories

Sorry that we haven't posted much here lately...it is one of those especially busy times of life, especially with Christmas upon us. Besides my other work and volunteer responsibilities, I'm also trying to learn rudimentary Russian (and am extra motivated by the experience and comments of April Jacobson) and otherwise prepare for the adoption. As we move closer to the adoption date (we just got our $800 USCIS fingerprints done in St. Paul -- see our adoption blog for details), I find myself increasingly immersed in others' adoption stories, probably as a way to prepare myself, both emotionally and practically. I've been particularly interested in Asking with Faith, which is a blog kept by the amazing Canadian teen who did so much to advocate for Alex. Their family just brought a nine-year-old girl home from Bulgaria -- and while it has been joyful, lately it has also been pretty rough. As she points out, it's pretty typical for adopted kids (especially ones who are more cognitively typical) to go through a grieving period that includes lots of rage and anger and defiance. Thank goodness their family knows how to ride it out. They are in our prayers. I read their story knowing that we could be going through the same process in a few months.

It has also been fun to follow the Jacobson's adoption blog, since they are adopting from the same country as Alex, and April Jacobson keeps a fairly detailed account of their process.

And then there's the story of Katie, the nine-year-old girl who weighed just eleven pounds when she was adopted by the Musser family about a month ago. It's amazing to see how she has gone, in just a few weeks, from this...

...to this:

Wow. This family got a lot of flack and resistance from people concerned about them adopting a severely handicapped kid, but they did it anyway -- eyes wide open to the difficulties and necessary sacrifices, but also seeing beyond that to the ultimate reality of Love with a capital "L."

This is the sort of thing I was talking about when I named this blog "Gracewatch." There it is.

More at their blog, The Blessing of Verity.

Adoption update

Sorry for the lack of posts. I have been insanely busy, mostly with volunteer work. I need to cut down on that. (He says as he prepares to go to yet another work-generating committee meeting tomorrow evening.)

I wanted to quickly update people on our adoption situation. We are currently compiling the application for the home study, a seven-page interrogation that has become something of a nightmare. (Lost it twice, after hours of work; don't ask.)

We've also narrowed down the list of children we're considering adopting. We have printed out this list, with photos, and are praying for each of them every night -- that they all will be adopted soon, and that God will provide us with some sign of which child might fit best with our family. At this point, it feels like we've whittled down our choices based on practical considerations as much as we can; given the lack of detailed information about these children, it's going to be hard to make a decision.

Here are the children; click on the name for information on each one. I don't think we're soliciting advice here so much as prayers and support during this process. The good news is that we're not under pressure to make a final decision anytime soon, at least until the home study is completed in a couple months.

Alex

Alexander

Francine

Kory

Molly

Nora

Reece

Reid

Generally, these names are not the child's real names. Also, note that Alex has a warrior (someone actively advocating and fundraising for his adoption), an awesome 17-year-old Canadian girl named Joanna; see her blog, with more pictures of Alex, here. It doubles as a personal blog, so you may have to click around to find the entries about Alex.

So what is up with that adoption thing, anyway?

So it's been a while since we brought up the adoption...which may leave you wondering whether we're still pursuing it, and if so, what is going on?

This is going to be very simple: Yes, we're still pursuing the adoption. What is going on? We're waiting for the sale of one of our websites to go through so we will have the money we need to clear some small debts and pay for the home study. The president of a major publishing company told us they were going to submit a bid...two and a half weeks ago. Heard from them again last Friday that they're still interested, and still planning on submitting that bid, but nothing since.

So, if you want to lob a few prayers our way, you can pray that that situation resolves itself one way or another.

As you can imagine, the suspense is frustrating. On the upside, I'm getting lots of much-needed practice in patience.

More updates once something interesting happens.

Our adoption story

S. here today. This is an announcement that has more or less been announced to many friends and family members, but people following the blog are asking what’s up, so we’ll write it out:

We’re trying to adopt a child with special needs.

Here’s the story, and where we are right now. About a year ago, I became aware of a program called Reece’s Rainbow, a Christian ministry which advocates for and facilitates the adoption of children with Down Syndrome into families. They work with international adoptions, primarily because domestic special needs adoptions are covered by other agencies, and the situation for children with special needs in other countries is distinctive. After being established five years ago, they decided somewhat recently to add children with other special needs to the website, although their first focus is on the gift of people with Down Syndrome to the world. (The director has a son with Down Syndrome.)

Reece’s Rainbow works with many countries, but the bulk of their child listings and placements are from eastern Europe (Russia, the Ukraine, Bulgaria, Serbia, Latvia…). Almost all the children are in orphanage settings, and the special needs children are sometimes in need of medical treatment as well that is not available in their country or … they just don’t receive it. In most of Eastern Europe, when children are born with special needs of any type, the parents are urged to place them in an orphanage. Since there are few if any resources for raising a child with these needs at home, parents do just that. Poverty feeds into this mix, but it is more a cultural attitude than anything else. (And before we Americans get on our high horse, remember that 90% of children diagnosed with DS in the womb are aborted in this country. It’s questionable as to whether we are much better.) There are efforts to change attitudes in these countries, but it is an uphill battle, and the short story is that these children have a bleak future. Once they are 5 or 6 years old, they get placed in large mental institutions (called things like “The House of Invalids”), mixed with adults, and are shut off from society. It is hard to pin numbers to the death rate of these older children in these conditions, but it is said to be high, and largely through neglect. This is a human rights issue that has been addressed by Human Rights Watch and Disability Rights International.

I got drawn into this following the story of a family who adopted two younger children, both with DS, from one of these countries. And then another story, and another story. I talked to the woman who runs the ministry for a class I teach on Catholic Social Teaching, and was deeply impressed. It was getting increasingly difficult to ignore the “tap tap tap” on my heart, so I (again) raised the idea of adopting with J., who said…well…but maybe God’s calling you to get involved with the organization, not to adopt. And he rehearsed all the reasons why adoption could be a challenge for our family (which were true).

So I organized a fundraiser in October 2010 for a 5 year old child needing help named Tori. Tori has CP and had already been transferred to an older children/adult facility. Another woman, unknown to me, began fundraising for this child at the same time. They barnstormed the internet and all kinds of real live people they knew for donations, and somehow, someway, (a miracle?), Tori ended up being fully funded ($23,000) in two weeks. Her soon-to-be family decided to “put in” for her just hours before the fully funded total was released—a real leap of faith on their part. Long story short, Tori is now named Reagan Faith Burman (see right!) and lives in Texas with her family http://helpfortori.blogspot.com/2011/03/reagan-is-home-but.html . She is reportedly doing fantastically well. The sister who was adopted with her is physically struggling, and needs prayers, if you care to offer them. It’s not clear what happened, but Carrington was adopted at 3 years old… and 11 lbs. That gives you an idea of how great the need is for some of these children. She is getting stronger and gaining weight.

Since Tori was funded before the fundraising month of October was over, I continued fundraising through the month for Anthony, who is 5 years old and has CP. Although he has a significant grant, he still needs a family, and more funding would help. There is more about him and ways to donate at http://www.helpforTori.blogspot.com .

So, in general, that work bore fruit! But I still had this impossible to ignore pining for actually adopting one of these children. So on a dinner out, I raised it with J. again (for the last time, I told myself), saying—look, I really wonder if this may be God calling. J. was sympathetic (he was very touched by the Tori story) and said it was a good cause, of course, but--don’t we have too much going on? Our own pretty big financial challenges? Could we really do this? And then 10 reasons why we couldn’t. Well, after this conversation, we were urged out of the restaurant (it was busy and they wanted the table), and then we headed to the car thinking “what now? We still have 30 minutes of babysitter time.” After tossing around possibilities, we decided to go talk at the Cathedral. (Well, it’s near our house, they have big tables and chairs, it’s always open, and they aren’t going to sell us more food!) So we went, sat, and realized people were coming in for a late night mass. Not exactly private. And I was quiet and a bit sad, so it wasn’t like conversation was flowing anyway. So J. suggested we go pray about this adoption piece in the adoration chapel they have there for ten minutes, and then go home. So we did. I sat there and quietly prayed. Walking out of the chapel, we bumped into the priest getting set to preside, I thought J. was acting somewhat strangely, and then J. ushered me out to the car, quickly shut the door, and exploded “Um. I think we have to adopt!” and began laughing. J. had a major spiritual experience in that short prayer time that changed his mind radically on this, and to our amazement, we began looking seriously at what this would involve.

So we have been looking at help and benefits for people with special needs in Minnesota, looking to people who have done this before (international adoption, parenting children with special needs, and both), getting our financial house in order, and burrowing into the unbelievably complex process that is international adoption. We have not zeroed in on any one child, although we have talked about different children. We have not even zeroed in on a country yet (getting our financial house in order has a lot to do with that, as some countries have adoption processes which are more expensive than others). The absolute cheapest international adoption is around $16,000. More often, they are around $25,000.

So why do we want to do this?

• First, because God said go. Clearly. Over months of hints and more than hints. What do you do, say no?! So we are trying our absolute best to make this possible and praying for the path to unfold.
• Secondly, the need is great. There are a lot of children with special needs in these orphanages, and all need families badly—for the sake of being loved but also for the sake of medical care and treatment. Best case scenario, these orphanages are like growing up in a day care with rotating workers. Worst case scenario, children are drugged and sometimes tied to beds. I wish I were exaggerating. At this point, there is no real place for them in their society, and many of these countries do not have a culture of adoption, so international adoption is a temporary but real solution…and especially when these children are adopted at a somewhat young age, they really “bounce back” once in family settings.
• Thirdly, we honestly believe this will be good for our family. We are all called to reach out to the vulnerable in our society, and living that out in our own living room seems right and good. And we will not make a decision that hurts our children. We are going into this with eyes open.

We’ve been gratified and touched by friends who have supported us, in word and with concrete offers of help—people who come to mind are Fr. Bill Becker, Fr. Andrew Beerman, Annmarie DeMarais, Diane Leutgeb-Munson, Amanda Hardy, Jim and Barbara Allaire—and others I am sure I am forgetting to name. We know some people are concerned. Like I said, we’re going in eyes wide open. And honestly, we see this as a real good, and are humbled and happy that such an adventure may be in our future.

We would appreciate your continued prayers, and will keep you updated. Right now—we need to sell websites.

Peace, S and J